Why I should not cook...

So I cooked for the first time in a while last night and I'm beginning to rethink my decision. Jarred was home and playing with Jack so I can't even say he was a distraction. I began to cut the chicken on my cutting board and put a pot of beans on the back burner to heat up. All of a sudden I smell something funny and try to figure out what it is. I think, "I bet the cutting board is touching the back burner" so I go to lift it off and it is melted to the stove. I had turned on the FRONT burner. I think I said, "Oh crap" (really, I did). As Jarred walks in and starts to laugh, I say "I meant to turn on THIS burner" and turned on the back burner. HOWEVER, I actually turned on the front burner again and it begins to turn red and continue to melt the plastic on the stove. Jarred laughs harder. I finally do turn on the right burner and begin to smell something else funny. I then realize that a wooden spoon is touching the back burner and beginning to burn. We did end up eating a very nice dinner but we lost a cutting board and almost a wooden spoon in the process. :)